digestif | week 6, saturday

...I suppose it was.

[he can't see their expression clearly, but he winces at their tone.]

I understand the ideal end for us would have been to pin it on someone else, but-- Merriment was already under suspicion, and I barely escaped my injuries being found the first time, thanks to Majima-kun. I could not have kept lying.

[and quieter:]

I did not want to keep lying.

[ there's that damn nobility of his again. It's annoying - it's admirable, and it's something they lack. As much as they think it's holding him back and shooting him in the foot, it means he can still cling to some piece of personal honor when everything is said and done. ]

If you weren't willing to keep going, you shouldn't have lied in the first place... You've put both yourself and Uchiha-kun in danger. And probably me, too. There's only one faction with the ability to save people, and there's only one person left in that faction. Enough people know what I am for it to get around.

[ they run a hand through their hair, hissing through their teeth: ] Damn it...

...then I can still help protect you. We made a couple of deals along with what we were doing-- I can't give you full protection, but I can give you something that will immediately let you know if you are targeted. It would let you prepare to respond to that if you so chose, though I will not receive it until Monday.

Technically Uchiha and I both made the deal, but I do not feel he would disagree with giving it to you in exchange for his life.

[honestly, he intended it for mizuki in the first place when he asked for it, thanks to Reasons.

but he pauses a moment, gaze fixed down on his folded hands.]

...I kept going as long as I could, Mizuki-san. I would have continued if I were not stuck. It was just-- also a relief to end up in that position, finally.

[ he went as far as considering the impact this would have on them, huh? Their passion cools slightly at the stark reminder of his caring. That's why they're trying to look out for him in the first place. Sasuke - they don't hold any particular love for him, but they're not going to condemn him for the same crime they've forgiven Ishikirimaru for. He's doing what needs to be done - what a lot of the others aren't willing to do. ]

... If you weren't willing to live with that lie, you shouldn't have told it in the first place. [ they continue their scolding, but their anger is less, at least. People like them don't get the luxury of relief until everyone else is safe, or until they're dead. That's how it works. ] ...Ishi-san, what are you going to do...?

...ah, I have a feeling you do not want me to answer that, if I am being honest.

[the smile he gives them is small, rueful-- but his gaze is steady enough. he's set on this.]

I am returning to Piety tomorrow, and I am giving him my sword as proof I intend not to perpetuate this cycle any more.

...it is my hope that, seeing how no one but us acted this week, next week may be the end of it. There may truly be no bodies if no one decides to take revenge on us.

You have a lot of faith.

[ once again, they suppose that's why he was with piety. Mizuki doesn't feel convinced the group can manage not to kill anyone for a week - not after all these weeks, and especially not when they're so agitated. As he predicted, they don't look very comforted by that answer. ]

Are you going to have any way of defending yourself at all?

No. But I expect the others I have been helping will not be willing to let me go unprotected, much as I intend to try to keep them from doing so. If anything does happen, I don't... want them involved.

[they don't need to be hurt trying to help him, or to keep this cycle going by stopping anyone who comes for him. he just... wants it to stop with this weekend.]

...speaking of involvement, though. I-- am sorry for pulling Majima-kun into that.

[ they shift on their feet. Their irritation's cooled, at least. ]

If you get killed, you'll just be letting the cycle continue, you know.

[ now they're just worried about him, instead. And something else. The mention of Majima makes them flinch somewhat noticeably - it stands out when they're usually so good at hiding their feelings. ]

... Mm. I'm going to have to tell him that I knew. Otherwise, things will get messy soon.

[ so they say. the real reason is that they don't want to go behind his back with this. They have so far out of respect for Ishikirimaru's secrets - and because they know that Majima won't like it even moreso. They're afraid of what will happen when this comes to light. It's pathetic, considering the relationship was doomed from the start... but Mizuki has known they're a pathetic person for a few weeks now. ]

I wasn't sure if you might have told him already. To be honest, that was... part of the reason I chose him.

[and then it turned out majima absolutely did not know and ishi got punched for it, but up until that point... it worked out fairly well?]

You may lay as much of the fault on me as you feel you need to, though, Mizuki-san.

[it's partly that he is just always like this, but with mizuki? it's also that he doesn't want anything to go wrong between the two of them over things that he'd pulled mizuki into in the first place by telling them everything. ishi meant it when he said he wasn't competing with majima-- if it was what they wanted, then all he wants is for them to be able to find some measure of happiness here, and to be able to keep it that way.]

[ a shake of their head. It would be easy to do that, certainly. But even if they'd originally picked out Ishikirimaru because they thought he'd be perfect for situations just like this, circumstances have changed. The idea of taking advantage of his kindness just to try and salvage a personal relationship they never should have started in the first place is too appalling to even consider. ]

No, this is on me. I shouldn't have been doing things behind his back. That was a breach of trust. [ a sigh. ] But I wasn't going to go around spreading your secrets, either. That's all it was.

... I can understand that much.

[it isn't a position he likes being in either, keeping secrets for others from someone you trust. there's still a shadow of guilt in his expression-- to some degree he still considers himself at fault-- but after a moment he shakes his head.]

I hope that it goes over as well as it can, then. I think I will need to speak with him myself, after what happened.

... Mm. You should.

[ although Mizuki is less than happy to recommend that to him, it's probably for the best. They just hope Majima doesn't try to beat him senseless. They pause, sighing, and rub the back of their neck. ]

Majima-kun is a yakuza, but he hates killing - it's hard to believe, but it's true. For him, that's crossing a line you can't go back from. I don't know if he'll be willing to accept you after this, even under these circumstances.

...then I suppose it is for the best that we speak now. Being here is not the first time that I have had to do so, after all; perhaps he would not have accepted me to begin with if he'd known.

[not that ishi can really blame him, honestly. though with a slight, rueful smile, he adds:]

At least it is something that we can agree on. I have never liked it, despite what I am.

Of course not. No sane person would want to kill another living human.

[ ... or spirit, in his case, perhaps. ]

I'm the same. Unfortunately, from the moment someone shed blood that first week, I knew there was no chance things would be so easy. [ a beat. ] If killing one person will keep ten people safe, then I think not killing them would be more careless. It's cruel, but the alternative is crueler.

...I know. Reasonably, I know that.

[it's why he acted, and while he still carries that guilt, he's not sure he fully regrets taking that action.]

But it is still a difficult choice to make, for me. I know many of the others would have had an easier time here.

[ at that, for the first time here tonight, Mizuki manages a smile, albeit a bitter one. ]

I never said it was an easy choice, Ishi-san. The fact that you're having so much trouble with it just shows that you're a good person.

[ the fact that they're so willing says the opposite about them, perhaps, but they're fine with being the bad guy if it helps people. That's what they decided. ]

I'm impressed, you know. As old as you are, and a soldier, too - a weapon, even - and the weight of a life is still so heavy on your shoulders. If more people here were like you, I'm sure we wouldn't be in this position right now.

...I think it may say the opposite, honestly. Even someone like me has found themselves willing to take lives in the course of this competition; there is nothing to say that things would have been much different, in the end, though the number of bodies may certainly have been lower.

[his sigh is heavy, at that thought.]

Though there is still a chance that you are right. Either way... this is still the position we find ourselves in, and we still must find a way to try to ensure the best ending we can.

Like you said, this is the position that we're in. You can't blame yourself for what you've been pushed into doing.

[ maybe they think he could have tried harder to protect himself and what he'd done, but that's all they're faulting him for. ]

We'll be done soon.

week 6, saturday

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