digestif | week 5, tuesday

[ they give him a small smile for that. The irony of the two of them working together isn't lost on them, either; if they said they weren't relieved that he didn't seem to hold anything against them for being on the "other side," they'd be lying. Mizuki doesn't keep many friends here, after all. Something they also plan on addressing. ]

No, I figured it out back during the first week we got here. Nothing has changed as far as my goals. I came here to put an end to the broadcasts - that's my "wish." Of course, I want this game to stop, too, but that's incidental. All that matters is making sure my "wish" is granted, whether it's by winning here or going home and carrying my original plan through.

[ their words come to a halt here, and they hesitate for a few seconds before continuing. Their professional veneer remains, but there's a sort of tension behind it - some emotion they're holding back. ]

... I'm prepared to sacrifice anything for that goal. All of you, if it comes to it. Myself, too. If I do go home, there's a high chance that shutting down the broadcasts from the inside will cost me my life. And considering Beauty-kun's current standings, that's looking likely. [ a beat. they're looking off at the horizon somewhere. ] If... Even if everything goes perfectly, we won't have a happy ending. I wanted to tell you that.

Edited 2019-03-20 13:25 (UTC)

[ there's a poignant pause after they finish talking before majima responds. when he does, his voice is low and gravelly, like he's intentionally trying to sound fierce and unattached when everything else about him seems to imply otherwise. ]

Ya think I didn't know that?

[ he almost wants to laugh. of course. they'd told him as much when they'd revealed their factions to each other, didn't they? where he is a man driven by instinct and emotion, they are logical and focused; the two of them are like oil and water. it shouldn't be a surprise.

while trying to formulate the rest of his reply, he finishes his croquette and crumples up the wrapper. then, he lobs the ball at a nearby trash can. despite his stellar aim that a person with two eyes would be jealous of, his throw just misses the can; the wrapper briefly dances on the rim before falling off the side and landing lamely on the ground.

that's a little too on the nose, isn't it, he thinks. ]

I'm not the kinda guy who gets 'em.

Haha. I guess we're similar in that respect, then.

[ they lift up their croquette a little, like they're going to take a bite, but they don't; they watch as he misses his shot, and smirk to themself, a little bitterly. Was that enough to make him give up, just like that? He sounds so damn sad in spite of his attempts to hide it. They've been spending too much time with him not to notice. In light of their current topic, it still doesn't feel like quite enough. ]

... Even knowing that, though... I can't help it. I told myself that I'd change and stop finding things I don't want to throw away. That's the only way I can do this, right? But I'm not that strong, I guess. [ quietly, they bump their knee against his. ] No one makes me smile like you do, Goro-kun.

Edited 2019-03-21 01:14 (UTC)

[ he's about to resign himself to being a sad sack, but then he feels their leg hit his.

and then they say his name, and he can feel his face start to redden as he processes what they're saying. ]

M...Mizucchi?

[ they glance over at him from their slouching position, curious, and are swiftly rewarded with the sight of him blushing in their direction. He's cute. They said it back when they first met him, too - back then, they were joking, trying to get a read on him, but now, they think they really mean it. He has no business being cute, this tattoo-covered loudmouth thug, but what other word can they possibly use? Or maybe it's just that their perception of him has changed. The more they get to know him, the more they see of his soft side, his sweet side, his silly side -- they can't help finding so many things he does so charming, helplessly charming, and now they're suddenly missing him when he's not around and thinking of ways they can keep him safe and trying to come up with an ending to this game that can give them their wish and Majima, too.

There isn't one. They shouldn't even be able to meet in the first place. He probably died 100 years before they were born. Doing this is stupid, uncharacteristic, only hurting their goals. But here they are, setting themself up for failure again, and still once they see his face they know they can't back down. ]

I know. A man like you, really, I... [ their voice sounds a little strained, and they look back down at the ground, suddenly looking rather small. ] ... I wonder why we had to meet like this. I want to spend a lot more time with you than this...

[ it's hard to believe that, just a few hours ago, he was fully willing to give up on whatever this was. it's not the first time he's had to lock away his true feelings for someone with their best interests in mind, and he doubts it'll be the last. of course mizuki, for as funny and witty and beautiful as they are, couldn't afford to give up on their life, their mission to be with a lowlife punk like him. they're responsible and driven; they don't have the time to waste on a fling like this. most of all... they don't deserve to run the risk of getting dragged down the same dark path he knows he'll return to someday. they don't belong on the edge of the haunting shadows that call him back.

but now, as he listens to their words and watches their body language, he realizes he really is a fucking idiot for thinking he didn't matter to them. he hadn't just fallen for them; this whole time, they'd been the same. of course they had—wasn't he the one who pointed out how similar they were in the first place? that spark of adoration for them that had been in his eye when they'd hooked up returns to his face, now renewed knowing that they really do want him, too.

he has nothing to say to them; all he does is brush his hand along their cheek, smile at them so goddamn fondly, take hold of their chin, pull them in close, and kiss them deeply like he's wanted to for weeks. ]

[ Mizuki is not surprised. Mizuki's known he's felt something for them for a while now; they just sidestepped around that fact whenever they could. They'd only intended to get close to him to use him for protection, and later, comfort. They were so sure their heart wouldn't bend. They were overconfident. They underestimated their loneliness, they underestimated how much they'd really like him - they underestimated Majima most of all. It's a wonder that a former yakuza and host club boss could look at anyone the way he's looking at them now, like he loves them; it warms them from the inside out, just like it did that night, and they can't resist - they want to keep that expression for themself.

So they will. There are still a lot of things they have to tell him - lies they need to come clean about, truths they have to bare - but for now, they melt into that kiss, and that feeling of dread in knowing they're making a mistake is overshadowed by something gentler and happier. This time, there's no alcohol simplifying their thought process and easing them along; there's only honest affection, simple and straightforward, and the faint scent of flowers that seems to cling to Mizuki up close. When they break away to take a breath, they don't go far, sighing against his lips. ]

... Goro-kun.

[ let them be selfish, just for a little while... as long as they accomplish what they need to, they can be allowed that much, right? ]

[ he is pretty damn sure this is love. from thinking they were a mysterious beauty who could make a mean cocktail, to trusting them enough to share his allegiance, to playing house for a week, to sleeping together, to caring deeply for their safety and well-being... how couldn't it be? there isn't any doubt in his mind, at least.

there are few things that get majima's heart racing. most of them have to do with punching people or getting hurt in return. mizuki calling him "goro-kun," though, is quickly climbing the ranks.

as they pull away, he takes the time to appreciate the little details of their face. it's a shame he only has one eye to try and capture how much he's come to cherish their smooth skin, their golden eyes, their flawless hair, their cute nose, their soft lips... and that's only the physical features he can scope at a glance. it doesn't even begin to touch on their honeylike voice, their teasing laugh, their steadfast dedication, their unwavering resolve . . .

god. he's hopeless. so much for all his talk of being a tough guy, huh? ]

Ya know, it almost ain't fair... I like callin' ya Mizucchi too much to come up with somethin' different.

[ instead of going in for another kiss, he chooses to simply lean his forehead against theirs and reach for their hand. ]

[ he's so open in his admiration of them that it's almost embarrassing, even for Mizuki; there's the faintest hint of pink in their cheeks when he bumps his forehead against theirs. ]

That's fine. I like Mizucchi - it's very you. [ they take his hand before he can grab theirs, without hesitation. ] And I like you.

[ their croquette is absolutely going cold, but they've sort of forgotten they're holding it, at this point... they're distracted by Majima. His rough hands, his soft gaze. ]

... I can't promise you anything more than a little bit more of my time. You're all right with that?

[ they both know this is doomed. Mizuki's made their peace with it. They just hope that he has, too. ]

That's more than I was expectin'.

[ ...he wants to say he loves them, but he doesn't want to get too ahead of himself, either. so instead, he lets his actions speak for themselves, because sometimes, love isn't always such an overt declaration.

he gently nudges them and nods his head at the poor croquette in their hand, not quite stifling a teasing laugh. ]

Ya better eat that, or I'm takin' it.

[ he's got some strange kind of magic, they swear. A second ago, they felt like they might cry from the pressure of everything they have to do (and have to lose) - but now he's got them smiling again, and they suppose that's the reason they're here telling him any of this at all. ]

After I was nice enough to get you your own, too. [ they lean in again just enough to steal another kiss, barely long enough to register. ] Greedy.

[ and then they pull back and turn towards their poor neglected croquette, although they choose not to inhale it in a single bite like certain other people present. Despite everything, they can't help feeling lighter; the tension arching their shoulders has gone slack, and their expression is more natural, less forced, a pleased little smile sitting on their face as they eat. (Magic.) ]

[ as they eat, he finds himself entranced by... well, them. seeing them relax like a literal weight has been lifted from them is enough to get him to smile fondly, the quick brush of their lips reflected in his own expression. he knows they must have been holding all that in for some time, and he squeezes their hand gently to let them know that he's here, that he appreciates them and everything they've trusted him with.

that still leaves one free hand, though; with it, he reaches out...

and pokes their nose. ]

[ He's a good one. They never would have guessed by looking at him, but he is... Maybe it's a hidden blessing that they don't have to go home and try to introduce friends and family to him. That's about what they're thinking as he squeezes their hand - then their thoughts are interrupted by him booping them out of nowhere. They blink over at him, eyebrow cocked quizzically, and they'd probably ask "what" if their mouth wasn't full of cheesy potatoes at the moment, so instead he just gets a interrogative "mmph?"

(they were about to tell him to stop staring at them so much while they eat, because that's also kind of embarrassing, but.) ]

[ WHAT THE FUCK... THAT'S SO CUTE... IF HE WASN'T HOLDIN THEIR HAND HE WOULD BE CLUTCHIN HIS CHEST ]

Was just wonderin' what kinda sound ya'd make.

[ since they squeaked in surprise that one time... ]

What's with that reasoning...

[ with the croquette now properly in their stomach, they can respond - and give him a look, although it promptly turns into a chuckle and a shake of their head. ]

You're strange. And that's coming from me, so you'd better take it seriously.

[ they could make some racy comment about how he's already gotten plenty of sounds out of them, but... they don't, for once. They just squeeze his hand back, and lean into his side. Just a little. ]

[ oh, trust him, he's already thinking it... but he's actually kind of glad they don't say it. they don't need to be horny all the time! the two of them deserve to be good and pure sometimes!!! ]

C'mon, lemme have this much.

[ after that squeeze, he hesitates as he lets go of their hand. then, he carefully brushes some of their hair out of the way and drapes his arm around them. ]

[ they're not really used to being the smaller one in their relationships - it's an odd feeling, being held this way, but not bad. Not at all. After a moment of deliberation, they rest their head on his shoulder, giving a short, warm laugh. ]

I let you get away with a lot more than you think.

[ from the beginning, they have... they didn't imagine things would end up like this. They're quiet for a few seconds before continuing, a little hesitant. ]

... There are more things I should tell you. Is that okay? They're not very romantic.

[ feeling the light pressure of their head upon his shoulder is... nice. he softly presses them closer to him as he begins to stroke their hair, tangling his fingers between the strands of luxurious purple.

this is . . . nice, he thinks again, as if to really drive the point home. ]

'Course. I'm listenin'.

[ It is nice. Nice enough to make them hesitate before continuing onto the next topic. There's a reason they've never said anything about it to him. ]

You remember when Nito-kun was cursed and left that paper with his god's name on it in the courtyard? That was my doing. I don't know why Uchiha-kun took the blame, but he was lying.

[ they shut their eyes, sighing through their nose, and hope that Majima doesn't get too angry. ]

He wouldn't tell me who he was allied with. Since we were sharing a house, I thought it was important for me to find out if I could trust him or not, and I thought the courtyard would be an anonymous place to drop off the note and have it be found... I wasn't expecting anyone to figure out how to read it, and I wasn't expecting Nito-kun to confess that it was his god, either. Regardless of my intentions, though, I put him in danger for my own benefit. That's the truth.

[ well, that's. certainly a thing to learn from your significant other within like ten minutes of becoming facebook official.

as they explain their actions, he turns to look at them in their place tucked under his arm. he doesn't take his hand away from their head, but he does stop stroking their hair. hm. ]

So ya do have Eye of the Beholder.

[ his voice is even and metered as he merely states what he's pretty sure has just been confirmed as fact. ]

[ it's something he deserves to know. If part of the reason he likes them is because he thinks they're selfless and pure, then they'd just be deceiving him to let him continue. They haven't killed anybody. But if they'd been partnered with a god that wanted them to, they can't say that they wouldn't have. ]

That's right. [ a beat. ] I've only used it one other time, to check Cinque-kun's innocence - but that time, I was more careful. I didn't want to repeat the mistakes I made with Nito-kun.

[ they pause, opening their eyes now to look at him once more, not moving from their spot on his shoulder. ]

Nito-kun knows what happened. I spoke to him right after the trial to explain things. [ ... ] And I asked him not to tell you, because I didn't want you to distrust me. But I'm telling you now. I don't want to keep a secret from you.

Edited 2019-03-24 17:45 (UTC)

[ of course he doesn't think that—even makoto, for as pure as she seemed on the surface, had her demons and darkness born from turmoil. that hadn't changed his feelings for her; it won't for mizuki, either.

his expression is still a little unreadable, but he holds them close, as if to reassure them he isn't going anywhere. ]

As long as the two of ya made peace with it, it ain't exactly my business what happened between ya. But I'm glad you're bein' honest with me.

[ it is reassuring, and, once again, Mizuki is mildly disappointed in themself for letting themself become so vulnerable. But they're exactly five minutes too late to be having regrets. ]

I know you care a lot about him. [ he can say it's none of his business, but they know better than that. ] ... You care a lot about everyone.

[ a pause; their smile comes back, gentle. ]

But that's one of my favorite things about you.

[ hey you know what's a great way to respond to receiving affection from your bae? derailing from the subject matter entirely! ]

Eh—you're gonna turn right back around an' use that as fodder against me? I didn't take ya for the type to fight dirty like that...

Eh? Goro-kun, don't tell me you're shy and weak to compliments? That's really cute.

[ the c-word is BACK with a vengeance. One gets the sense Mizuki is not really joking, though. They shift, resting a hand on his shoulder and their chin on top of it to more directly look at him with a smug smirk... before continuing without an ounce of shame. If he's shy, they want to fluster him. ]

I'm serious, though? The way you stood up for me back with Guy-kun made me really happy - how you're always trying to protect Kaname-chan and Nito-kun, too. You're strong, but you use your strength to protect what matters to you. You're easy to talk to, and you're honest and straightforward... I like that. [ their eyes narrow in catlike satisfaction. ] Of course, you've got a thousand and one flaws, but to be honest, I like that about you, too. Is saying that fighting dirty?

[ well, if their goal was to get him to blush, then they've achieved it. with the arm that isn't wrapped around them, he reaches for the back of his neck and rubs it sheepishly for a few moments... before bringing it back around to hide his face a little. ]

Geez... an' here I thought I was the sappy one. Even though we're together—[ ugh, they are, aren't they, as if he still hasn't completely grasped that despite everything that's happened, ]—hearin' about myself like this is still embarrassin', ya know?

[ success. They give their best angelic smile. ]

Sorry, sorry! Your reactions are just fun, so I can't help teasing you. [ a beat. ] Oh - not that I didn't mean it, though.

[ it does feel weird to hear him say they're together, though - it gives them pause for a second, too, if only mentally. They can't believe they're seriously doing this: literally setting themself up for a fall. At the same time, though...

They doubt their ability to sever this attachment. Their eyes linger for a little while on the harsh edges of his profile, half-hidden by his hand. They recall his dejection from only a few minutes ago when he'd thought they were shooting him down. And they recall their unease from last week, when they'd thought he was gone, and the frustration of being hopeless to help him during the trial. Throwing all of it away now would be worse than losing it in a few weeks, wouldn't it? ]

[ he keeps his eye closed for a bit out of sheer embarrassment... but the way they so fondly comment on his personality gets him to peek at them through the cracks between his fingers.

. . .

god. he doesn't even want to think about the eventual future that's just around the corner. that's why he's gotta start living in the present, right?

he places his hand at the side of their head and nudges them lightly, encouraging them to
sink even further into the crook of his neck. ]

Even the flaws part?

[ teasingly: ] Especially that part.

[ they go along with coaxing, nuzzling up against his neck and closing their eyes. Mizuki normally isn't the most physically affectionate of people, especially in a manner as docile as this; as someone who's constantly trying their damnedest to be completely impenetrable, they don't like the vulnerability it shows. But it's all right. Just for a little while. They're alone. Majima is warm and comfortable; they can feel his pulse faintly beneath his skin.

It's all right to love him just for a little while. ]

week 5, tuesday

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